the chairman, checking in

Joe Cool

Oh, herro there.  Have we met?  I'm Maui, the best creature to ever live.  Officially, I belong to the author of this blog contraption, but considering who picks up whose poops, we all know who's really the boss.

Taylor took me to her parents' house for a long weekend, a six-hour journey that involved a little of this:

leash: worst. invention. ever.

...buutttt mostly this:

Taylor thinks that the yoga mat will keep her new car clean and hair-free.  Taylor is dumb.

While I went comatose in the car, Taylor LOLed the whole way there listening to Tina Fey narrate her book:

editor's note: STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND DOWNLOAD THIS TO YOUR IPOD.  I imagine that the traditional reading experience is cool too, but listening to The Fey herself narrate it is pretty freakin amazing.

When we arrived, my Mean Aunt Maggie expressed her displeasure at my presence by barking all the time. Every time she saw, heard or smelled me.  All the time.  Nonstop.  But she's a crotchety old lady of like 84 dog years, so I let her have her space.

deathstare

I mastered several new skills on this trip.  Such as:

Getting As Sandy As Possible

 Deck-Lounging

Being Generally Awesome

although let's be honest, I had that one down from the day I was born

I also got to go to a bar named after a Jersey Shore character and demonstrate my sneaky ability to open all kinds of doors.  Grandpa gave me the nickname "stealth" and then made some military reference to suggest that I should have been named something that means "stealth" in navy-speak.  Yeah, that would have been cool.  Unfortunately for my street-cred, Atlanta Lab Rescue named me Maui Jim and I am super-awesome-extra-genius so by the time Taylor got a hold of me I knew that someone yelling "MAUI!!" meant that I was supposed to run full-speed into that person's crotch, which is apparently impressive to humans, so Maui stuck.

That's all for now, bitches.