Please?

Just discovered:

http://www.moulinbregeon.com

So, I mean, obviously, someone needs to take me.

Maui even has un jumeau who lives there!

note to self: procure a leafy headdress for my dog.

NERD

So, as I mentioned, I've been kind of under the weather lately, and these badass antibiotics I'm on (3x/day, 14 days)  have a scary "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL OR YOU WILL DIE" warning, so I've had to tone down the debauchery a bit. This is a bummer, obviously, but it's opened up a ton of time to indulge my nerdy side with the following new obsessions:

YOUGUYS.  This is so good.  And don't take this from someone who is openly obsessed with enthusiastic about a British boy-wizard and who will also in certain circles, when pressed, reveal that she's on Team Jacob.  That person has questionable taste/credibility (unless you share those traits with me - in that case, just skip this post and buy the book NOW).

Instead, take it from someone who finds Emily Giffin books insufferable (but will read them while tipsy on the beach if nothing else is available), read/enjoyed Pillars of the Earth (albeit sans papal funeral nightmares), and  somewhat stomached/understood Invisible Monsters.  Does this title-dropping up my literary streetcred?  Hopefully, because I am a Hunger Games zealot now and feel a need to INSIST that everyone I know jumps on board.

Need a reference point? It's basically The Giver for a (slightly) older audience, with more action, violence, tragedy, and a bit of romance but-not-of-the-cheesy-vampire-variety-I-promise. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T LOVE THE GIVER - BEST. BOOK REPORT. EVER.

If you have a long car ride looming, the audiobook would be a great way to pass the time, but buy the paper/e-version as well because if you don't finish the audiobook on your drive you will end up creepily listening to it by yourself in your bedroom, which your roommates will think is weird (right Maggie?) unless they've read it (right Hawkins?).

If you're still not convinced, there's this:

source

JLaw looks bangin' as a brunette, Katniss is basically Ree but from the future so you know she'll kill it, and that cute guy from The Kids Are All Right will be playing her love interest, so obviously you'll want to know what's going on when this movie is all anyone's talking about.



At the other end of the nerd-spectrum, there's this:

source

My disclaimer for recommending this is basically the opposite as the one I used above, in that I am really not smart enough for this PBS Masterpiece Classics miniseries.  In episode one alone, I had to google a legal term (entail, noun-form), as well as the year the Titanic sank (1912), just to get my plot and timeline bearings straight.  That being said, this series (which is available for instant-stream on Netflix) TOTALLY appeals to my newly-enriched fascination with high society English history/culture, decorum, traditions, etc.  Plus, there's secret/DEADLY sexytimes, a cheeky cook, gorgeous costumes, and Professor McGonagall Maggie Smith as a Dowager Countess who doesn't know what a weekend is (because, presumably, when one is a Dowager Countess, every day is a weekend).

Minerva, running shit.

I watched three hours of this stuff last night and I'm basically counting down the moments until I can go home and watch some more.  Don't have Netflix? There's a 1 month free trial, and you can get through this whole series in 1/30th of the given trial time.  Still not convinced?  I'll give you my Netflix login/password.  IT'S THAT GOOD.

youguys.

I am a huge fan of Mara Hoffman - I love her bright prints that are just tribal enough to feel different but not so crazytown that you feel like Rafiki or Cady Heron's mom.  So I was pretty pumped when Daily Candy Swirl featured deeply discounted MH swimwear today.

I fell in love with this bikini right away.  Bright print, interesting neckline that won't create horrible tanlines but will stay on while surfing, tieless bottoms, check-check-check:

mara hoffman ruched bikini

But. BUT. (BUTT, actually.) Youguys.

 seriously??

like really????

Maybe I am just a super-prude with a big ass who hasn't been to Miami or, like, Brazil lately, but WHO WEARS THIS??  That model could fit inside of my left thigh and even she looks uncomfortable.  And I'm sorry, if the LINING is poking out in the product photo (probably due to some sort of skin-glue mishap), that's just a BAD SIGN.

Is anyone on the same page with me here?  Or am I really just that uptight about ass-showing?  Because now I'm starting to wonder if all of Mara Hoffman's swimsuit bottoms are like this, or if the above is an exception.  I'm hoping against hope that this particular stock of bikinis got relegated to the online-sample-sale afterlife because the sane buyers out there who predict what Kids These Days will be into said nuh-uh when they saw some poor girl's ENTIRE ASS in the lookbook.

[pause for research...]

But(t)...alas...

style 7667-BRD via marahoffman.com

Mara Hoffman ruched 2-piece bikini via Saks

Mara Hoffman tribal bottom via Swell

Not even the "boy shorts" are exempt from superfluous underbutt-cleavage:

Mara Hoffman Aztec Boy Bottom via Swell

It should also be noted that Neiman Marcus' online selection of Mara Hoffman inventory includes ABSOLUTELY NO PHOTOS FROM THE BACK!  And based on what I've seen, the "partial seat coverage" product descriptions are somewhat misleading.  I wonder if the people who write those product descriptions considered a more accurate "BEWARE: NONE OF OUR MODELS WOULD SIGN A NUDITY CLAUSE SO WE CAN'T SHOW YOU ANY BACK-SIDE VIEWS, BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT EVEN IF YOU ARE TINY, IF YOU HAVE EVEN THE SUBTLEST OF PROTRUSIONS BELOW YOUR LOWER BACK YOU WILL BE ESSENTIALLY THONG-CLAD SO DON'T BUY THIS TO WEAR TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS' BEACH HOUSE.  OR ANYWHERE YOU WILL EVER BE WITH YOUR DAD.  OR SMALL CHILDREN.  OR LAW ENFORCEMENT."

Now let's get something straight - I am all for shakin what your mama gave you, and owning your curves.  And I applaud the websites above for employing models with actual booties to demonstrate the fit of these bottoms (ShopBop, for example, sells plenty of Mara Hoffman swimwear, but the model they have wearing it has literally zero butt so those photos wouldn't really help my point).  THAT BEING SAID, I'm still confused about how one pulls off this look.  Are these bikinis designed for swimsuit-and-heels, real-housewives-of-whatever, lounging/cocktail-sipping, no-swimming, no-walking, no-moving situations?  Are some ladies just cool with showing that much underskin?  SIAV, what would the Butt Police say about this?? Is my own ample rump preventing me from an objective analysis?  If the experts could weigh in, that would be much appreciated.